I remember staring at my laptop, having a mini meltdown for like a minute, feeling like everything I knew up until that point was completely invalidated by what I just learned. I felt like I was doing it wrong for the past five years.
I was doing Zoom class run by a former US escort about how to become a better GFE provider. Don't laugh at me lol. I like learning and take courses like this often, both for my business and personal life. I'm always looking for how I can become better at things. The coach said this: "Pick a persona, ideally one that embodies a sex symbol from the past (e.g. Marilyn Monroe) or an enigma (e.g. naughty librarian). Make sure what you say and do flow from that persona. Decide on your persona's likes and dislikes, dreams and fears. Remember them by heart for your performance." Wait. What??! I've never thought to do that all my escort life. Did I miss out on a good chunk of $$ by not having a persona?? I panicked. Then she went on to teach how to greet clients at the door, what voice to use, how to make orgasm face etc. All of that honestly sounds exhausting. I didn't know this is how it's supposed to be done. I didn't realise that when they say sex work is work, this is what they mean. It's the whole acting gig. Fck. I chose to take some of her advice, but completely ditched the persona part. I decided I didn't have enough energy to keep up the whole persona. Maintaining a fake name was all I was willing to do. Plus, I had too many regulars who'd probably be very confused if I suddenly turned into 'Monnie the Cuddle Monster' Haha if I had to pick one real quick, that would be my persona. That happened a little less than two years ago. I still think I got some pretty cool takeaways from the course. For example, what to say to hotel staff who notices you staying there multiple times. (Pro tip: say you're with Herbalife or some other MLM company, they'll leave you alone, like everyone else 😆) I also loved what she said about treating every client like James Bond. Unfortunately, I like some of my clients better than Mr Bond and prefer not to reduce them to a fictional character. There's merit in bringing out the "hero" in people, though. Often times when we aren't in the right frame of mind or when we're surrounded by the wrong people, we forget how powerful and capable we are. I take pleasure in reminding people of their own awesome.
As I did my gratitude exercise today, I filled my thoughts with appreciation for all the relationships I've nurtured in the past two years. I carry on about how I love making connections through this job. I know. I've met likeminded people who've become positive influences in my life. People who care about me. People who give me the privileges of knowing them and trusting me not to break open their hearts and, more importantly, their lives. I will NEVER abuse their trust. Would this happen for "Monnie the Cuddle Monster"? I doubt it. Would I connect so deeply with these people if I said I listened to k-pop and loved children when in reality I don't even understand the genre and prefer baby animals over humans? Can a persona embody all the complexities of one's personality? What if 85% of the time I'm the Cuddle Monster, 10% strong independent woman and 5% damsel in distress?
I remember being so anxious, shaking as I turned up to a dinner date an hour late because I messed up my logistics. After profusely apologising, I asked my client to give me five minutes to calm down. He held my cold, sweaty hand and jokingly said, "Relax. It's ok! This is the woman who was brave enough to ditch a guy and traveled around in a strange country on her own. Remember?" *
How would a persona explain that? I can't even explain myself. Oops. What does a persona really do?
Fulfill a gap in the market? Protect peace? Or shield against real connections? I wonder how long someone can keep up before everything crumbles. What about growth? Can a persona grow? I have too many questions. I give up. I use a fake name for privacy reasons. It's hard enough to tell stories without mentioning my own name. I have no hope with a persona. If you find yourself wanting more from our connection, you're allowed to ask me for my real name. Then I'll know you're open for our lives to be intertwined. Whether I offer it to you, though, you will have to leave that up to me 😘
Or keep calling me Monica if you're happy with the way things are. Your choice.
Cheers to real connection.
MONNIE 🌺
*Long story short: I was booked for a 10-day trip to Japan. I spent 4 days with the client before I found we weren't on the same page about things. I ended arrangement and explored Japan on my own for the rest of the trip. Suboptimal situation but that trip ended up to be one of the best trips of my life.
That client who consoled me at the restaurant has since become my business partner. While he respects my strong independent side, I still surprise him with a burst of damsel in distress every now and then. Not a cuddle monster with him anymore, sadly. I'm sure he's hoping, though.